You: Waiter, I’d like the cake.
Guy at other table: Uh Waiter, cancel the cake.
You: (Confused) I was gonna have the cake.
Guy: Oh, I don’t like cake.
You: Yeah, but I was gonna have cake over here by myself.
Guy: I don’t want anyone to have cake.
You: Why, what’s wrong with cake?
Guy: God hates cake!
You: You made that up.
Guy: My kids are here, if they see you eating cake, they’re going to want to eat it too! You can go home an eat cake in private, but we’d prefer if you didn’t call it cake - maybe a civil muffin?